My father, Santosh Kumar
I remember the first time when I confided in my mother that,”Maa, mere liye papa mere bhagwan hai” after she had answered my question, who is god.
I listened to her carefully that god is our creator, it is he who protects us and with him we could have direct communication. God is the one he would never judge and always love us, come what may.
While growing up I experienced all the qualities of God through my father, Santosh Kumar, a bold journalist, a courageous trade unionist and an authentic personality. I felt protected with him, I could talk, discuss, argue, disagree with him and he would never judge me and always love me.
It is said the relationship between a father and a daughter is the most beautiful of all. Father may see the son as his extension, mother expects protection from the son. She may train her daughter to complete her unfulfilled dreams and also prepare her for her own home someday. The father only loves his daughter as he educates her, he saves for her and he even hands over gracefully to another man in trust.
I experienced each stage of hand holding and letting go confidently with my father.
In the 52yrs I spent with him, I saw him, heard him and listened to his travelogues and learnings from the books. He heard me, he listened to my silence and taught me through his actions more than he could with his words.
For 52yrs, I saw my father behind a book or a newspaper. The man who could never befriend with any electronic devise, always stayed attached to his roots, books, no matter what.
I observed him to jump into action with any cry from the needy and the less fortunate. He told me once, ”Vibha, you are educated, secured, comfortable and well aware, if girls like you don’t stand up and empower others then who will”. He made me proud of my being and taught me humility and to respect others. As for him, only the empowered can and must empower others.
It was always interesting to see him dress up and sit for meal time, enjoy each morsel and appreciating the company and saying everytime, ”It is not the menu but the company that matters”. Then change and relax in his all time favorite ‘Tehband’ (Lungi).
I saw him going to his office in DTC bus everyday even at 82yrs of age as an Editor of the Daily Pratap and later as the Trade Union Record. He believed that he would feel the issues and heartbeat of the general public by travelling only through the public transport. The man, who came from the family of Newspapers. The family owned three newspapers since 1860s till 1946 in Lahore:- Advocate in English, MitraVilas in Hindi and Akbare-e-Aam in Urdu.
Santosh Kumar renounced all and joined the Trade Union Movement to uplift and bring discipline of equality to rights for minimum wages and rightful living for all. When I asked him why did he have paan, pat came the reply,” to become one with the workers and the common man.”
I enjoyed watching him enjoying his Rum or Vodka every evening till he gave up food.
I have been part of his love and respect for my mother. He would prepare the first Tea of the day and serve it in the tray waking her up in the wee hours of the day,” Madam, chai hazir hai.” He lived with the belief that the husband must serve the first tea to the beloved as she holds the reigns of the home. He made the tea till the last day of her life and he never entered the kitchen since then.
He ate less, walked more, laughed loud, commanded louder and shared his wisdom with all.
During the growing up years, the two room apartment was always full of guests from across the globe. The old aunts felt safe, the young kids felt protected, the friends were confident to open up and professionals knew that their secrets were secured.
All had the right to express oneself and disagree. All felt safe to be themselves. All felt grounded to grow bigger, larger and deeper with him by their side.
I heard the neighbors calling him ‘Chachaji’, the colleagues ’Comrade’, ‘Nana’ for my kids and their generation and each related with him.
I learnt from my papa to:
- Build relationships and trust, empower who are neglected and ignored
- Be authentic to yourself, refrain from Gossips
- Be fearless, kind and wise. Be responsible and take ownership
- Keep away from greed and addictions, Skill of detachment
- Believe in others, trust yourself
- Intent and Interest matter
- Words are heard so watch what you speak about yourself.
- More than What, HOW we choose to become makes us what we are.
- Ask
- Respect the learned, the colleagues, the juniors
- Read, Travel and Honor different people, thoughts, cultures, religions
When he realized his purpose for this lifetime was complete he chose to move on. He renounced the food intake and then water. On the fifteenth day he passed on peacefully and gracefully.
A man as fearless as my father, was confident enough to face death, head on.
I witnessed that he lived joyfully and died completely.
A fearless man, a confident father, a romantic husband and a doting grandfather, Santosh Kumar, mere papa mere bhagwan.
Santosh Kumar
(23.06.1927 – 23.04.2021)
